The Phantom Pregnancy

I remember standing at a good friend's desk at work complaining that my boobs ached. Like really sore. If I didn't know better, I'd think I was pregnant.

I had been having naps after getting home from work, nausea and sore boobs for weeks. But I couldn't be pregnant. I can't get pregnant.

Remember? There's a 1 in 10 chance and we were really just waiting for assistance when we do want to conceive.

Because of my Polycystic Ovaries, I was used to an irregular cycle. Anyway, it had already been more three months since my last one.

But eventually I did buy a test. On the morning of a matinee showing of "Mum's the Word!" about the perils of parenthood! I even told the Pharmacy Assistant a completely logical reason for needing the test that was nothing to do with confirming pregnancy.

And I really was shocked (and thrilled!) when the test came back with two lines! Those lines didn't take 3 mins to appear or appear as pale blue. As the liquid moved across the window, it was like a marker line appearing.

To this day I consider it a miracle that the only time I had ovulated that year we managed to conceive my gorgeous boy.

And how long did it take me to do a test? Nine weeks.

Image: Louisa Stokes / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

What motivates you?

So I have learned that what motivates makes an enormous difference.

When I was pregnant with my first son, I became obsessed with managing my condition like a medical emergency. In fact, I lost 7kg with that pregnancy before I began gaining weight as my belly swelled.

I think one of the reasons I loved pregnancy is that it seemed that 'having a ruined figure' was kinda an accepted part of pregnancy. The fact my overeating had ruined it in the first place would become irrelevant in the histories.

Apart from my pregnancies, I can't really recall any other effective motivation. And by the third pregnancy, I admit that I was less motivated than my first (hey! I already had my heir and spare ...) to manage my complication.

As a result my last wee monkey has a birth defect, probably caused during some of the first cell splits. He has one fully-functioning healthy kidney, but not the second for redundancy.

I've come to terms with this: missing kidneys may occur in up to 1:7 people and most older-types have only found out when going for unrelated tests later in life and I expect my monkey to live a long life too.

Had I really understood the risks though, like really understood, surely my motivation would have been greater.

So what will motivate me on this journey?